How do you tell a 5 year old she cannot gp home

I have been dealing with a very hard situation recently. My daughter who has an incredible memory... always talks about wanting to go home. she wants to go back to place that we lived in for a less then 2 years and is the farthest thing from "my home" as I could imagine and yet... she wants to go home to a place that is so far and distant in my mind to people that we a a half connection to and trust me... that is far more of a connection then they ever wanted to have to me. And yet.. this is who she connects to.

Why... why do I have to made feel worse then I already feel. I am trying to make the bet of this. and there are so many times that our transfer here, voluntary or not is worth it.. why do I have to be made to feel that no matter what I am doing something to hurt someone I love.

When they were kids, they just came along. now they have opinions, wants, desires, dreams and nightmares. We are each others whole world. And there are times that it is clear that I am not enough. What do you do then. What do I do. How do you choose between your life and your family. And more... certain parts of that family. this is different then any separation by state boarder that we have ever dealt with.

How do I make them all happy?


Samantha the ArmyWife said...

I think you should explain to her that home isn't a specific place but her time is with you, her brother and her dad. Keeping your family together is important... and coming from a family where moving wasn't discussed and was not an option, bitching about it was also not tolerated. I don't mean that to say just smack Lena around and call it a day! But what I mean is that she will adapt. You guys have been there for a year (give or take) but unfortunately she no longer has some of those creature comforts that were taken for granted in the past. She will figuer it all out in time and make the best of it. I think that you can teach them that by example! You're kiddos are smart enough to get that message!! =) stick it out... i'm sure it will pass.

Paula said...

Honey, it sounds like you are reall upset. Here are a couple of thoughts: family's go through changes, that is not to say that Kennedy should not forget or cherish the memories she has of the first home that she remembers and the people who were there. She needs to be encouraged to keep those thoughts close to her heart but also needs to make new memories of where she is now. You guys are on a very exciting journey right now and when she gets older she will realize that. Kids are so special and you are such a great Mom. Home is where you are around people you love. Your life is your family and while your reality right now is different than it was a year ago it still has the core people around,even tho you change zip codes. I still consider my "home" to be where my parents live and I can rmember my mom telling me that when she thought of home, it was where her parents were, even tho she had a geat husband and 5 busy kids and a "home" of her own.I think it is probalby natural for kids to be where in their minds they had really happy times and even if you were living there now it would not be as she remembers. Encourage her to cherish those memories but to also focus on the present. You are not hurting the ones you love as you state in your post. You are being the best Mom and wife and sometimes kids want what they can't have. Keep your chin up and know that things work out how they are supposed to. I love you

Anonymous said...

You listen to your mom. Tell your little one..."honey, you are home". That was a place we used to live. But this is your home OUR home. Little ones sometimes say things that sort of hurt our hearts. I have been reading your blog and appears you have made a wonderful home.

My cousin moved her family to Mexico (Jalisco) they have grown into very intelligent bi linqinal worldly women.

You are not depriving your children but rather giving them a gift. You are HOME !!!

Kathy said...

ONe of the things I've found on my parenting journey is that it isn't my job to make anyone happy and not only that, it is impossible to make anyone feel anything. Their happiness is their own journey and while I do facilitate happiness and rich experiences in their lives it is their decision to chose happiness or not. Now, at 5, that's not easy internalize but she'll get it soon enough.

As a mom we really want our kids fulfilled and happy but that is one of many many things we'll never be able to control. And that's a really good thing.

GutsyWriter said...

I can relate as I had this problem with my middle son, 14 at the time, when we moved to Belize from S. California. It's a completely different story with teenagers.

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