Too much to handle

Well, my 30th birthday is coming up and marks a big point of change for me. I have been looking forward to turning 30 for a long while now. I am ready for my 30s to be my selfish decade. I gave my teens to my education and I gave my 20s to my kids and my husbands will and needs -- well in that time there are a lot of things that I have lost about me along the way. And even more, I feel like I have not had the chance to learn myself as this new woman because I have not had the time or the energy. Well, my body is giving up on me faster then I can heal it so if I am ever going to try to focus on myself and be around to enjoy it- i have to start doing it.

There are a number of other changes right now that have been going on - most of which I am just not ready to talk about - especially here. That is one thing that has been hard. When I started this blog I never thought that anyone would read it. I did not understand the blogging world and the community that forms among people who have never met. But it does and it has. So many of my experiences can be and are so similar to the ones that many people living in Mexico and all over the world experience and it is nice to have people that understand the, in my case, rare situation that lead to living in a small town in the Mayan Rivera.

Right now things are so --- I do not know the word--- stagnate- There are things that need to happen and they are not happening and I am just sitting here waiting. And the reason-- as always here in Mexico is that there is no money.

I know that it is always true that you never have enough money but here it is so true. There is simply no money left. We all need desperately to go to the dentist-- there is no money for that. I need to buy Akilean's school uniform- there is no money for that.

On the other side, Akilean had a little school performance the other day to celebrate the Independence of Mexico from Spain. It was a really cute day and a lot of the kids got all dressed u according to their teachers requests. For Akilean, he had to dress up as Father Hidalgo, the father of Independence in Mexico. All of the other little boys had on little stocking caps with white cotton balls to look like white hair- I obviously having NO idea what I am doing- did not do that... luckily for Akilean - the tips of his hair are already white.

Akilean and Lena both have been learning the state anthem for Quintana Roo and the National Anthem of Mexico. Both are very pretty and fun to listen to. I know it will not take long for them to have it totally down. They are both doing really well on their Spanish. But now I have to catch up.

Lena looks so cute in her little uniform. I have gotten very luck that a good friend of ours takes her son to school in the same class as Lena so she has been giving her a ride to school which is so wonderful. Lena still has to get up at 6:00 but she has the time to wake up, eat while I do her hair, get her stuff ready and brush her teeth. Before I was literally shoving a toothbrush into a sleeping kid and it was getting old.

I took some good friends of ours to the fair the other day. It was really cute. These 4 kids get along so well. Akashana is the littlest at 3. She is a bit of a hitter - she is young still- but she is getting better. Akilean and Lena can each play with either of my friends kids in any combination and they have a great time. It is really nice to have friends like this. The kids also speak English as well as Spanish so that is really nice too.

Other then that... not much to report.


Bob Mrotek said...

I am more than twice your age and I am a male so I am definitely speaking from another perspective. I just want to say that you will get through this period and in the end it will be alright. The main thing is to keep your cool. There have been periods in my life where I have been desperate almost beyond my ability to cope but I reached down inside me and also reached up to Heaven and I got through it. You are not alone. There are other people who understand and are pulling for you and praying for you. Don't give up. Onward ever, backward never! Suggestion...go visit your local IMSS and ask for help with the children's dental needs. There are programs for this.

Leah Flinn said...

Bob is right, you are definitely not alone! I can relate to the frustrations with money here, it's not something I could have prepared myself for before I moved to Veracruz 8 months ago. Everything goes slower as a result, for example right now I can't get my immigration status resolved, nor go to the dentist, nor fix the roof, nor buy curtains....etc. But, I try to remember that overall I like the slower pace of life here, and if there was more money in Mexico, it would bring in a whole new set of problems.

I enjoy your blog!

Chrissy y Keith said...

Well Happy Birthday! I totally understand your situation and I think you are doing a wonderful job in dealing with it because you are actually dealing with it. Lots of folks would just internalize it rather than do anything about it. Bob and Leah have some excellent advise. Just continue loving your family, Thanking God for what He has provided and asking Him to provide more. You are smart, young and healthy. Dont discount those advantages. I will be 48 on the last day of this month. I wish I was just turning 30 and in your shoes. I would have done many things differently but I dont regret any of the choices I have made. One day at a time sweet girl.

Refried Dreamer said...

Chrissy: I'll be turning a year older as well on the last day of this month! Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday as well to you!I'm sorry everything is not going the way you planned, but am really happy to hear that you have set yourself a goal... to focus on yourself and your wellbeing. I think that is huge... because no one else will be happy before you make yourself happy. (although, i must admit, I must practice what I preach as well.)I like your birthday goal... and almost want to take that challenge as well.

Never forget you are a wonderful mother, partner, and friend. Now, go and reward yourself!!! :)

On Mexican Time said...

I am going to be 30 in a few years myself and I haven't even started a family yet! I soo badly want one.... We all do things differently, don't we? Definitely give yourself some time, and do some things that you want to do! Easier said than done....Well worth it! You have a wonderful family, and you are an amazing mom!

Money.... It will come together - you are hard workers, and I truly believe that good stuff happens to good people! Have to believe that, right? Maybe Bob is right and there is a program that can help at the time being....

Happy Birthday amiga :)

Paula said...

Honey, it is hard to read of your frustration. I wish I could more to help. I know you know that you have my love and support and of course prayers. I have watched you grow from a precious little 5 pound baby into a wonderful, capable, loving and caring adult. I have enjoyed watching you travel thru many phases and have always been so very proud of you. You can do whatever you set your mind to. In may not be within the time line you have set, but it will happen. I agree with what Bob siad...Onward ever, backward never! Hang in there honey, and know that I am only a phone call away.
love you

Tulum Living said...

Thank you to everyone for the support. I know that things will all turn out okay it is just hard to get to that other side. I know that the universe will take care of me. I just have different time line I guess.

Thanks again for all of the kind wishes.

Leslie Limon said...

Oh sweetie, I feel for you! You are in my thoughts and prayers. I've been where you are and you just need to keep somethings in mind.

1) This too shall pass! It may not seem like it at the moment, but one of these days, you will be able to look back and not laugh, but admire yourself for having the strength and courage to pull through these difficult times.

2) That which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger! Again, after this passes, you will have discovered many more wonderful things about yourself. Courage, patience, strenght in adversity, and that you're just an awesome person overall!

And last, but not least, you are an excellent wife, mother, writer and woman! Anyone who reads your blog can see it.

With Love,

(P.S.) I hope you have a very Happy Birthday!)

Gloria said...

Happy birthday to you! Loved your post. Even though you are facing hard financial times you will pull through. Nearly three years ago my husband Colin and I moved to Spain from London. It's tough at times, learning the language, having very limited funds and fixing up a very run down house totally singlehandedly, not having the funds to do it any other way! We love it here though and yes, we too can't afford dental care. Will follow you and hope you'll visit my blog and follow me if you like what you see.

Anyway, good luck and have a fab weekend! And you have such beautiful, adorable kids!!

Amanda said...

Because we are there to I know that there is nothing that can be said to make you feel better about not giving your kids all that you want for them. Money sucks...
But I do wish you a happy birthday, my big 30 is coming in January and I agree that it is time to start looking into truly caring for myself. I think this is a great goal and like Dramer Its something Iv always told other. "You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else." Its time to listen.

Rooster said...

Sorry to hear about your frustrations. When I was in Mexico waiting for my hubby to get his green card, I got preg and had a baby and promptly had a meltdown. I was giving myself hives I was so down in the dumps being away from my family, not having $ or a support system. Then I got a job and it all turned around. Then hubby got his card and we moved back to the states. The rest is history. That was a mere blip in the history of my life. I'm sure you've brain-stormed any kind of job opportunities there. I was in the highlands and the dynamics are different, but if I had stayed longer, one goal of mine was to start a cleaning business. I would find gringo clients who wanted housekeepers, and I would go whereever I needed to go to find muchachas to clean houses. I would make sure they were well paid and I would take a small portion of that. If the clients or workers were unhappy, I would find solutions, or new workers - that would be the advantage of hiring me over one person directly. Many gringos move to Mexico, realize they can afford a housekeeper or nanny, but don't know where to find someone reliable. That's where I would come in. Girls especially from small towns, are often itching to get to bigger cities and work. I thought about offering them basic English classes too.
Anyway, just a thought. Keep in mind, "if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." So hard to get motivated, but you can do it! Suerte!

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